I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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