strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
