you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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