I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
