I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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