I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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