Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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