:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There are leaves in my underwear?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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