I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
