yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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