I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How's work?
Spinning.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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