He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
