I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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