Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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