so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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