why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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