evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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