So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
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At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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