Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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