apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
