walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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