life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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