I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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