it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
