I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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