don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
