The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Where is the hickey?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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