Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
