Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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