you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
