If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My cat gives me a boner
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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