Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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