sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
