She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
