nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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