Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
