That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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