I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
