ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
