cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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