Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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