i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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