how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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