so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
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so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
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I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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