BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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