i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
