Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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