I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
