I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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