when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
