Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
