While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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