**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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