I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
