the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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