did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
