Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
