I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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