You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I touched a dick in church today
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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