Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
