Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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