Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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