Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
