I'm going to rape someone's good day.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
