you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
