A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
