I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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