I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
