Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
