apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
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if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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