Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
