ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
