Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
