i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
