I'm sorry my penis didn't work
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
