Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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