If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize