Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
