As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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