Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sorry about my life...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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