Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
