I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
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Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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